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There was a multitude of different things I had to figure out on my own before getting it just right.

So to save you from all the hassle, I’ve put all my knowledge together and summed up the top things women should know about how to shave their pubic area.

Use lots of adjectives (like "wet" and "hard") and talk in a lot of detail, as if you were explaining it to someone who's never had sex before.

Also, throw in something about you moaning and/or needing him.

Dave was a scary man, an ex-convict with a volatile temper and a rap sheet to match. The onslaught began - bzzz, bzzz - each message dirtier than the next. But as we neared the end of our shift, I started to panic. How would I explain that my texts meant nothing and that, truthfully, I thought he was kinda ugly and creepy and had the vocabulary of a sixth-grader? The whole thing made me feel kind of dirty - and not in the good way.

If you still don't know what to do, here's a Mad Lib to help:[].4. Just letting him know you're turned on will turn him on. Shoot him something sexy (not photos, just words) when you know he's in a meeting or out at a bar with his friends. It's super wrong to have a boner while you're watching Jeremy from accounting walk everyone through a bunch of Powerpoint slides, but he won't mind.7. Draw a Batman mask (trust me, it works for some reason) or even just a couple of carefully placed hearts, depending on your level of artistic skill. The evening you planned includes that movie he wants to see, dinner at his favorite restaurant, and then you're going to take him home and tie him to the bed.9.

Horniness is like yawns in that it's super contagious even if you can't explain why.5. It might sound kind of counterintuitive to let him know you just came without him, but the text "I just came thinking about you" will have him canceling all his plans, faking sick at work, and scrambling to get to your place. No matter how good (or bad) you are at drawing, he'll appreciate the fun. Send him a porn clip or pic, and let him know that's what you want to do with him later.

Now I know you’re excited and can’t wait to dive into your new world of textual exploration but slow down. The first mistake was hunting down a phone number on Facebook like Joey Greco from Cheaters but that’s a whole other set of issues.

Her text was “UGH” and he responded with the word “Pic.” Was she really going to say “Wow, this stalker found my number, revealed who he was to my dismay, and now he wants a provocative picture of me? ” To make matters even worse, he waits ten hours or so and this time puts PIC in all caps like maybe yelling it in her face will change her mind.

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